It's the End of the Road

Hi. Whoever's reading this, I am officially unemployed. It's a long story. Damn I want to cry.

My Job Description

For the curious, here is my job description:
My primary function is to think of promos and advertisements for different occasions throughout the year, not only for our stores, but also for magazines and newspapers. For that I use Adobe PhotoShop (I am currently using version 5.0), iPhoto Express, and sometimes MS Word, Powerpoint, and lately, CorelDraw 9 Office Edition. I add here that I also do book covers for my boss' book, which, I am told, is selling very good.
I also handle four e-mails, besides my own, for two websites. Two for inquiries, and two for orders. With that, I have to deal with spam, long downloads, and whatever the problems our e-mails and e-mail server come up with. I use Outlook Express. Believe me, 95% of our e-mails are spam.
I also have to monitor and update two websites, one being long overdue, and the other needing additional materials. I use an FTP software for this. Of late I almost had a nervous breakdown because it turns out that the .ph registration for our website expired. No one told me, so I had to get sensitive information from my boss just to continue with the .ph domain. So if his credit card has anomalies, who's there to blame? Damn. The content had to be scanned and uploaded. It's kind of boring when you have 100+ books to scan, edit, resize, save as two filenames, and upload.
In addition, I also do some secretarial work, in a sense that I have to edit and print documents, e-mails, and anything else my dear boss asks me to print. I'm like the third or pseudo-secretary in this job.
If a technical problem arises with other computer here at the office, I have to fix it. Like the time when I had to adjust settings on Kalbo's PC just to make the printing work.
When my boss needs information, I log on to the web and do research. He asked me to do electrolysis and phosphorence last week.
Not much of it, but I also handle paintings. If someone visits the painting website and decides to buy, I coordinate with the warehouse to bring the paintings here at the office so the potential buyers can view them. I had to entertain them.
Included in my job is to purchase materials for all our projects. If I can't purchase it myself, I'll ask the purchasing officer to do it for me.
Finally, I also do printing, scanning, fixing requests, e-mailing, typing, downloading, and other -ings which are non-work related for my officemates. Especially when my boss has already left.
You know, there are times when I am doing these things all at the same time.

News

I'm bored with the Internet.

"Hello, Garci."

No, it's not "Hello, Gracia." from the famous PLDT commercials. It's "Hello, Garci.", today's hottest ringtone in town, presenting an alleged conversation between PGMA and Commisioner Garcillano. I won't tackle the hosh-posh behind the controversy. My take on this? I think PGMA is already vindicated. Why? The fact that the conversation was spliced and was accompanied with music and compiled as a ringtone would prove that the "tape" could have easily been fabricated. People should now blame the one who made the ringtone. Technology has turned the table, and it has won a day for her. Yes, I think PGMA will stay in power longer, though I am beginning to dislike her.

Hotel Rwanda

This film is so panalo! Saw it last night with friends at the Gateway Mall.

China Overlord Tanks

Four of the China Overlord Tanks, two with the Propaganda Tower and the other two with Gattling Cannon make enough damage to win the game (Command & Conquer: Generals).

Quite Happy

Because I already have the magazines and the books that I've ordered for more than a week now. Also, I've got "Cry to Heaven" by Anne Rice, and "The Bear and the Dragon" by Tom Clancy. I know I won't be able to read them soon, but I'm just happy because I got them. Also I got two new books: The Illustrated Directory of the U.S. Navy, and Undaunted Courage, which is about the first exploration of unchartered America after the Louisiana Purchase. Major geek, man.

Also, I'm meeting two new people next week. Yay!

Mixed Nuts

I'm beginning to waver again. I do not know what path to follow.

I want to resign from this job I hold. The hardest part in this job is finding motivation. With the exception of some people, I find staying in this office difficult now. I am wondering why in every place and in every job I have, there are people with whom I cannot really relate to. In other words, mahirap pakisamahan. Given, they have the talent and expertise, but their attitude towards other people, it's really ... insensitive. I cannot exactly describe the feeling. I have to find a new job soon.

What is Wrong With Me?

I keep on forgetting things of late. I feel as if there's this big gap in my head right now. Fuck.

What is Good?

I saw Batman Begins last night with MJ and JF at GB3. It was an okay film - too philosophical. Amazingly, though, the movie got me sorting things about me.

For me, it basically asks the question, "What is good?" The movie has given two sides on being good: achieving goodness by destruction on one hand, and achieving goodness by being a living example of one on the other. Does the end justify the means, or is it better to be unconfrontational about it?

Where do I fall?

And last night, as MJ and I were on a taxi on our way to Shaw Blvd., he popped this question: "r3dguy, nag-eenjoy ka ba kapag Friday [na magkakasama tayo]?" I asked why. He didn't give a direct answer. Right now, I want to know why he asked me this. I would like to dig deeper into this question, because honestly, it is bugging me.

Back To Normal

Hi. I guess my life is back to normal.

People here at the office keep asking me to do things all at the same time - and rush it. And they aren't satisfied with it even if they gave specific instructions, which I adhere to to avoid repetitions.

Honestly, I'm wondering why I feel contempt for MJ the past few days after the outing. Something about what he did that really subconsciously pissed me off but is now rising to my consciousness.

I had a dream that I was with JF and she was helping me get past this trail, like the one we trekked at Alitagtag. I dreamed of it twice in the sleeping time. Scary because a big chunk of stone fell off the cliff, but the tree that I was hanging onto wasn't uprooted. I've been having strange dreams, lately.

So Stressed

I think I've never been so stressed here at work.

I just learned that the company's domain had expired last May. That is why our e-mails had been erratic of late. How should I know that it is? The guy I replaced didn't tell me. I think that it is the sum total of him - of how irresponsible or, as my boss puts it, "full of shit" his life is.

Damn.

I miss Jun.

Strelki (Arrows)

Pr'amo sejchas, ya hochu sdelat' mnogo veschej, no ya ne znayu, gde nachat'. YA hochu napisat' snova, no kogda ya prihozhu domoj i ne ovladevayu ruchkoj i bumagoj ... nichto. YA tol'ko ustavils'a na chistuyu bumagu. YA dazhe ne chitayu ochen' po sravneniyu s prezhde, potomu chto tak ili inache ya chuvstvuyu, chto net nikakogo boleye interesnogo zagovora, chto ya mogu zacepit's'a. Romany fantazii rabotayut to zhe samoye: nekotoryj neizvestnyj paren' poluchayet volshebnuyu vesch', i on dolzhen ispol'zovat'/razrushat' eto, chtoby ekonomit' mir, yada yada yada. YA ne l'ubl'u chitat' filosofskiye romany, s exeption politicheskih kommentariyev i "Alhimik". Imenno poetomu ya idu dl'a istoricheskih romanov, potomu chto po krajnej mere oni imeyut real'no-mirovoye osnovaniye. Hot'a "Russka" - tak ili inache iskl'ucheniye iz-za plohogo soobscheniya istorii. YA hotel by chitat' Koran, vse zhe. Pr'amo sejchas ya imeyu Erodotasa "persidskiye vojny".

(Right now, I want to do a lot of things, but I don't know where to start. I want to write again, but when I come home and get hold of a pen and paper ... nothing. I just stare at the blank paper. I don't even read much compared to before, because somehow I feel there's no more interesting plot that I can get hooked on. Fantasy novels work the same: some unknown guy gets a magical thing, and he needs to use/destroy it to save the world, yada yada yada. I don't like to read philosophical novels, with the exeption of political commentaries and the "The Alchemist". That is why I go for historical novels because at least they have a real-world basis. Although "Russka" is somehow an exception because of the bad story telling. I would love to read the Koran, though. Right now I've got Herodotus' "The Persian Wars". )

YA hotel by imet' bystryj igrayuschij komp''uter vysshego kachestva pr'amo sejchas. YA uvlekals'a "Civilizaciyej 3". I ya hotel by igrat' "Faraona" i "Kleopatru" snova.

I'd love to have a super fast gaming computer right now. I'm addicted to "Civilization 3". And I'd love to play "Pharaoh" and "Cleopatra" again.

YA chuvstvuyu, chto ya - polnyj vyrodok. CHto trahaniye yavl'ayets'a voprosom so mnoj?

I feel like I'm a total geek. What the fuck is the matter with me?

[As I'm writing this, Jaydee's nefarious "Plastic Dreams" is playing.]

YA l'ubl'u slushat' radio, poka ya ne zasnul noch''u, hot'a ya ne imeyu radio okolo moyej krovati.

I like to listen to the radio until I fall asleep at night, though I don't have a radio near my bed.

Mne stol' nadoyedayut s moyej zhizn''u pr'amo sejchas.

I'm so bored with my life right now.

Dreams II

I woke up at 3:40 this morning with a very disturbing dream: that there was an underground vampire lair at our house, and that the entrance to it was infront of our house, using the sewer entrance. Damn. To top it all, I also dreamed that that is where the possessed Linda Blair from the film "The Exorcist" hides. Major f*ck.

It wasn't a few minutes after 4 AM that I was able to get back to sleep. As such, I was "late" for work, in the sense that I arrived about 30 minutes later than my usual 7:30 AM.

One factor for that is the fucking idiotic, incompetent, lousy, bullshit jeepney driver who should be denied his driver's licensce. Actually, he should be shot just for being (as in existence). Punyeta niya. Squatter talaga. Why do PUV drivers have to be so, so --- STUPID. Damn them.

Dreams

For two days (or nights, whatever) I've had the same elements in my dreams: trains, railroad tracks, a ball, and a tunnel. Actually, more of the train and the tracks.

Anyway, there's also a mature guy there.

I tried looking for the meaning on the Internet, but it gave me crap. What does my dream mean?

I Should Have Known

I've "met" someone, codenamed GA, over at PEx.

GA was the first one to send a message. To cut it short, we texted, and yesterday before I left the office, GA and I exchanged Friendster accounts. He mentioned that he was at Rob Galleria last night. When I ride the bus along EDSA via Ayala, I get off there, and he was kinda surprised that he was directly on my path to home. Anyway, I didn't go to where he was at, because I didn't want to take advantage of the situation and scare him off his wits.

I called him up that night, upon his request because he said he wanted to hear my voice. I guess he was disappointed. Probably because his was deep, and to tell you the truth, sexy and very, very manly. I didn't tell him this though.

Right now, he doesn't text anymore, so I guess that's it.

My issue here? I am assuming that he's not interested even in friendship.

If ever you read this GA, I'm sorry if I think this way and I apologize for making you as an example. But I have talked to alot of people like the way we did, and in the end, it is I who get disappointed all the time. All I want to have right now are friends who are like me. I know, I know, I shouldn't be generalizing, but I just can't help it. I've had a bad history, especially the last episode with U**e.

I feel bad writing down this one, but I can't stop it, I had to let it out. I'm sorry GA, if this would hurt you.

It's a good thing though, that the presence of my two best friends supress the feelings I have as of the moment. I guess I am stuck with them, but who cares? At least, with them, I feel most comfortable, even if at times I feel so unreasonably shallow, like right now.

I feel sick and vulnerable as of the moment.

Also, I slept at 10:30 PM, but woke up at 3, and I wasn't able to sleep peacefully after. Gosh, here I go again.