Tuesday, March 29, 2005


Punyeta. My skin feels raw and my back hurts. I cannot scratch my body even if it itches like hell. The tiniest amount of pressure would send me writhing in pain.

We - Ferdi, his dad, and I - left for Vigan on the evening of March 23. Luckily I was able to reserve a 9:30 PM schedule for the bus. I was at the bus station at 5:30 PM, and I had to wait for them until about 9:15 PM. No, I wasn't exactly bored, though I got hungry. I was entertained by the comings and goings of other passengers booked for earlier schedules. And there was this guy who kept looking at me. He was cute, though, so it was just okay. I also had Morgan's Run by Colleen McCollough. Kinda boring but there were steamy parts, so I guess it was just okay.

Anyway, there were two guys who sat together on the bus to the back and left of where I sat (aisle). I overheard parts of their conversation and had to conclude that either one, if not both, is gay. Boy A comes from Metropolitan, taking up Nursing. Boy B comes from San Beda (red jacket screaming his school), taking up Managment. So they talked, la-la-la-la, boring-boring-boring. Then I fell asleep. I woke up while the bus was traversing Pangasinan. I remembered them, so I looked sideways. They were holding hands, asleep. Wow. Actually, the San Beda guy was the one holding the Metropolitan guy's hands, the latter sleeping on the former's shoulder. How cute.

Anyway, the Metropolitan guy got off first. I don't exactly remember because I fell asleep again. The San Beda guy got off in La Union. I sure am happy for both. They have all summer for a fuckfest.

Anyway, it was about 6 AM, the following day, when we arrived at the Arc of Vigan. We had to take a tryke to their ancestral home. We got there I think at 6:30 AM, fell asleep at 7, and woke up at 11:30 AM. It was kinda hot, and the sun shone bright. Sakit sa mata.

We went to the plaza and met Carla, her sister (Shirley, who was preganant) and her husband (Ed). Ate and Kuya were booked at Grandpa's Inn, the three of us got back to Ferdi's place after. Actually, i don't recall anything much because, well, nothing momentous happened. I think we also slept early. Everyone was tired.

Good Friday.

We went to the beach today, Paraiso ni Don Juan. We were wrong in thinking that no one was there since it was a Good Friday. There were families there. And there were three gorgeous guys to boot. Holy day na holy day, nagkakasala ako. I took some of their pictures though.

I didn't go the water. I just waded near the shore. Why? Because I was embarrassed of my body. Compared to the other guys, pfft. But I got sunburned - with my shirt on. So pathetic. The five of us were there. At around 2 PM, my nose bled because there was a wave that I wasn't aware of, and when I turned, some water went into my nose. Ack. I had to go ashore, and stay there I did.
Ate and Kuya leaved kinda early, so the other two were left to enjoy the waters. I was stuck sitting by the shore. Major bummer. I was so conscious of the two cute guys. I can't wait to develop the film.

We got home quite late because we passed by the plaza again. We ate empanada. At the church, there were two teenagers selling candles who, when I looked at them, said "pasupsop", which I think is their term for a blowjob. Keri. We got home, and I think we slept early because we were so tired. I was there, but I still felt stressed.

Black Saturday.

I wasn't able to sleep during the Black Saturday dawn. It was like this. Carla and I woke up at about 2 AM, and we went to the bathroom to take a leak, one at a time. Anyway, she got in first. What happened was when she got out, I got scared because she looked like Linda Blair, the famed star in the first Exorcist film. Bokot. Back on the bed, I kept illuminating her face just to check if it would change or something. And she was snoring like hell.

I also texted three friends then, to keep me awake. I probably woke them up. Ha ha ha. At least I got replies though.

Finally, I fell asleep when I changed position - my head was at the foot of the bed.

The three of us didn't do much that day because we were kind of tired. Also, Carla was going back to Manila that night so she had to rest.

Easter Sunday.

Ferdi and I went to the beach today. It's the Mindoro beach, a public resort of some sort. There were a lot of people, but he and I managed to find a good spot. At last I was able to take off my shirt. Kebs sa iba. There weren't a lot of cute guys. Families mostly gathered there. I also got further in the water here. Something about the waters of Mindoro beach? Nah, it's just that I wasn't conscious of how I looked like here. I had a good time in the water, though. Ferdi and I also got to air our grievances about life. We took pictures also. We left early, and went to the plaza because I had to get some stuff for my friends. It was a good day.

On the way to the bus station that evening, we had to ride a very, very, very cramped tryke. It was irritating.

We boarded the bus by 8:15 PM, and was in Manila at around 4:30 AM the following day. There was no gay couple on that bus.

Monday. Bus station->Home->Bath->Office->SBC with Roland. So tired.

Monday, March 28, 2005

Just Got Back

Hi. I just got back from Vigan. If I have time here at the office, I will post everything that happened. But right now, just want to say that it's good to be back.

Wednesday, March 23, 2005

The Tale of 99 Yellow Cars

There is a tale of 99 yellow cars.

Back in college, there was a classmate of mine, a girl, who believed that counting until you get ninety-nine yellow cars would grant your wish. Of course it's a silly tale. This is the metropolis, and there are at least five thousand yellow cars out there. Cabs, tricycles, jeepneys, vans, trucks and other public transports are not included, she said. Just privately owned cars. Okay, at least a couple of thousands, then. Wherever we were , she would count those yellow cars. It has to be yellow, any kind, and not the one bordering gold.

So time passed and she counted yellow cars, until one day, her ninety-ninth came. And she made a wish. I asked her what it was, and she said that she wished she and her boyfriend would last a long time. Well, that was a century ago, and I hear that they're still together.

Of course I didn't believe her. Anyone can make a relationship last that long.

So I didn't mind the tought for quite some time. A few years after, I got a job. One day as I sat beside the window inside a bus, there were a lot of yellow cars that passed. I then remembered her. I thought of it, and suddenly I found myself counting. I thought that there's nothing to lose if ever I just try to count, thinking that I would lose it in a day or two. I was wrong.

Right now I'm on my eighty-second yellow car. Along the way I've met a lot of people thinking that they would be there until the ninety-ninth. Everytime I see a yellow car I get excited but at the same time scared, because I realize that I may reach the ninety-ninth yellow car, but no one will be there to share it with me.

Will it be Urie or somebody else?

Now that I mentioned him, I haven't texted him for quite some time. Actually, I did, it's just that I texted him but not using my SUN. I used my GLOBE. I do not know if he's been texting me, but I shall know that in the next few days. I miss him.

I hoping that Ferdi and I, together with some other people, would be able to leave for vacation. I just can't wait. I'm so stressed with work.

Monday, March 21, 2005

Sunday Without Him

If you're Ennui, read up to the end of the post. Sorry.

Nakakapanibago. I didn't spend today with Urie. He's out on a swimming trip with his mom. It's for the company that she is working for. Anyway, the thing is I miss him so much.

By the way, I and one of my best buds, Ro, stayed at SBC Paseo last Thursday. It seems that he had trouble with someone his girl friend asked him to date. I agree to what he posted on his blog. (prothiadenadventure.blogspot.com). Eric, the cute crew was there. (Did he just hit on Ro's friend and ex-office mate who was also there at SBC?) Sorry I messed up the site. :)

The last time we saw each other was last Friday, March 19, 2004. He texted me the night before and he said that he wanted to see me before I leave for Vigan. I said yes. And so the following day, after work, (early out because my boss had to send me to fieldwork, which was a major bummer because I had to go home to get my ATM inside my other bag.) and after coming from home, I went to Festival Mall again. I was late because of the horrendous traffic at the Skyway. What? you say? Traffic at the Skyway? You betcha. Anyway, it was also raining so it was a really bad day. But Urie was worth the trip. We weren't able to watch a movie, so we ate at KFC instead. And then after that, we just walked around, then transferred to Metropolis because he wanted some gulaman, but there was none. We ended up eating at McDonald's. I arrived home late, SM had a midnight sale. Traffic. Horrendous.

So for today, I miss Urie. Sobra.

I'm all excited for the Vigan trip. I need that vacation.

To Ennui: I'm sorry I partly lied to you about lst Friday. Yes, I was out for my boss, and yes, I had to buy some stuff. I'm sorry I wasn't able to text you earlier, you know what happened to my phone, right? I'm sorry I didn't go the party you mentioned. I know I'm kinda off the scale of late. Hopefully, though, I get to see you this week. How about Tuesday night?

Intoxicating II

This is for last Wednesday, March 16, 2005.

I arrived at the Festival Mall surprisingly within one hour of leaving the office. I proceeded to the mall, and looked around for a bit because I knew he would arrive past 6:30 P.M. I stayed at the BOOKSALE store and got some reading materials.

At last we saw each other at National Bookstore. He was wearing his uniform, and honestly, it looked good on him. White top, black pants. He also got his materials for nursing. He wasnt' wearing a cap. He looked better without one.

The last time we saw each other, I was decided to watch ROBOTS with him. Well, it happened to be the first day of showing of that, and I grabbed the opportunity and asked him if he wanted to watch it. He said yes, so off we went to the movie house of the Festival Mall.

Damn his scent was raw I could've hugged him right then and there. We weren't talking because the film was nice. But I could smell him beside me. It was heavenly. I think on the last 30 minutes of the movie, he asked me if I knew how to message hands. I said, "Medyo." He then offered his left hand and asked me to massage it. I was surprised, but I took his hand, and I cradled it in my own. And the whole time, I was unable to concentrate on the movie anymore because of that. I held his hands. I wanted it to last a lifetime, but it didn't.

Friday, March 18, 2005


That was what he was sitting beside me inside the moviehouse last night. Urie and I met again at the Festival Mall. His scent filled me. We watched Robots.

He asked me to massage his left hand while watching the film. I didn't just hold his, I cradled it in mine.

More on this later.

Thursday, March 17, 2005

Lapsed Post

Office. Here's what i was supposed to write the other day.

I have a belief that once I love someone, I have to keep anything about him to myself, because whenever I tell other people, especially my friends, the one I love slowly fades away. But this time, I want it to be different. I want to share this to everyone out there.
Urie has changed me in unimaginable ways. I wake up always looking forward to greeting him a very good morning, or reading an SMS from him saying the same thing, too. Well, I've always been a morning person. Waking up to a morning when the sun is hovering in the eastern horizon, with the tail end of the evening wind rushing past my face, is always a welcome event from me. A gift. But honestly, to this day, there is no more precious gift that I treasure more, besides life, than a seashell picked up from the beach shore during Urie's swimming trip. The seashell is precious, but Urie is the greatest.
He and I had been textmates for the past few weeks. A chance missed call and a hi started everything. A week into sending messages, on a Wednesday, he sent a message saying hi and asking how I was. Of course I replied that I was okay, and that I was hoping he was fine also. He didn't reply after four days. I then texted his other number. I learned from his cousin that he had a vehicular accident. When we got to talk a few days later, I learned that he was reading my message when their car got hit. That was the start of this friendship. Up until now, we're still seeing other.
The other day I admitted my feelings for him, but all he said was that although he's open for a relationship, he isn't ready. Oh well, things went down the drain then.

Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Shit Life


My phone was stolen yesterday. Major fucker. Right now I don't know what to do with it. I want to buy a new one, but I have to save up some money for my vacation to Baguio and Vigan. I really need a break. Bakit ganon? Bakit ako pa ang nawalan. Okay lang na mawala yung phone. I just miss the messages there. Messages from my friends. Messages from lovers. Quotes. Major shit. I just don't learn.

Urie and I will see each other again tomorrow. We met again last Sunday, though. He was kinda late. When we met, we atched Birhen ng Manaoag. Honestly, we didn't understand a thing because the two of us just kept talking. Masarap talaga siyang kausap. And then we ate at KFC... again. Actually, he said that we won't be seeing each other next Sunday because he had to come with his mom to a company outing. Mejo na-sad ako. I was hoping to have a wonderful Sunday with him again. But I guess it's alright. I won't be seeing him in the following week because ako naman, aalis din. I'm going to miss him.

Also, he admitted seeing someone over SM Manila last Saturday, and they watched a movie at Robinson's Ermita. I said to him the I was over those two places last Saturday, too, because I was looking for his Musketeers. I am so pathetic.

But the thing is, when we were inside the moviehouse, he admitted that those people he met might get mad at him if ever they learn that Urie and I have been going out every Sunday. Urie also said that most of his textmates demand time from him. Actually, I just can't also explain why he meets with me. When I asked him about it, he just said that I was different. The implication: I am in for a non-romantic relationship with him. I guess that's just the way it is, then.

Roland and I saw each other at Paseo Center again. We talked about life. He and I are going to meet again this coming Thursday, and Ferdi's going to come with us. The cute guy/crew was there. My friends said that he's gay. One word: KEBS.

What does life/destiny have in store for me tomorrow? I just can't wait.

Monday, March 14, 2005

Make or Break Sunday

I'm at Netopia- Robinson's Galleria. I'm off to see Urie today at the Festival Mall. He called a while ago and said that he got his certification from PLM. I just hope it's true.

I want to believe him, but I noticed he's been acting strange since last Monday. This is a make or break day. My friends advised me that I have to drop him. I like Urie, but I just can't figure out if he's feeling the same way. I know I shouldn't judge him, but I can't help it. I am going to try this for a week more. If it doesn't work out, I'm not going to prolong my anguish anymore. I just don't know how to say it to him.

Do you think I've already wasted my time?

Yesterday I went to OSMA to meet with my friends and ex-officemates. We went to Music 21 there at EDSA extension. And then off to Malate and ate at Shakey's.

I stayed first at the 48th floor when I was at OSMA, but since I arrived early I was advised by the personnel/guard to stay at the waiting area at the 45th floor instead. I complied. I remembered that someone was at the 45th floor.

True enough, Ronnie was there. He is one of those guards hired by SYKES, and he's been posted at that floor ever since. That floor is where all the supervisors stay, so he has to be alert everytime. It was actually good to see him again. We talked before, before I left SYKES. This time I was able to get his number, and I gave mine since he said that it was unfair that I got his. He said that they transferred to Pasig, since they were able to get a bigger house for the family. Ronnie is cute, and he's 29. He has already invited me to watch a movie with him. I felt the same during the first time I saw him.

Before I left, he said "Alis ka na? Iiwan mo na ako?" infront of several people, including my friends. Bokot, pero sweet.

Putangina. Hindi ko na alam gagawin ko kay Urie. He's cute, he's damn loveable. I know he's not perfect, but that is what makes him unique. Punyetang unique yan, sinabi ko rin yan kay JM.

I'm already 25, but it seems that I've been living alone forever. Shit.