Hard Headed

This happened just a few hours ago, and I had to write it down lest I forget what I feel about the situation the next time I write. I had to let this out.

You see, our department was tasked with the design of the Sales Department's Christmas Party that was held today. Muntik ng mabulilyaso because of the actions of my co-worker with whom I have having a difficult time working with the past few days, in fact, the last few months. Matigas talaga ang kanyang ulo, and she seems oblivious to the repercussions of what she fails to do.

The party was scheduled to start at about 7:30 or 8 PM. At 6 PM, we were still not halfway with the design of the venue. I was panicking because the Manager will surely get mad because of delay. It was a good thing that there were a lot of other Sales and Warehouse people who were there to help us.

We were supposed to leave early, at about 2 PM, to have finished everything on time. When I told her that some people were already getting anxious, she replied that she were waiting for the other Secretary of my boss so that we could take the other secretary to help us with the design. Meanwhiile, the other Senior Sales Manager was getting frustrated because it was past 3 PM and we were still there. Kinakabahan na ako kanina talaga, and I know that the other Sales people were already growing mad with her. I know that papagalitan kami, but there was nothing I could do because she doesn't want to move without the other girl.

To cut the story short, she finally moved when pressed by the Sales Supervisor and we were able to finish the design of the venue just in time. When the Manager came, we were just doing the finishing touches.

I learned during the past few months, and through Vanity Fair, not to play the Blame Game, or the Blame Card. In recent months I stood by my decisions with conviction, even if it went against the norm. But this time, I had to point my finger at her, because if not for her, we would have finished the whole thing with time to spare for preparing with the other details of the party. Although I am grateful for all the people's help, I am not happy with what happened because I am not satisfied with the process of decorating the place. I am not proud of it.

I blame myself for not having done more, 'ika nga, to have been more proactive in dealing with this situation. I could have gone ahead, and could have done a lot more to save time.

I talked with the people there, and explained my side. In a way, I am glad they do not blame me.

This Saturday, our company will be having our Warehouse party. I took under my wings the responsibility of managing the stage design. I promise myself that I will not get mired in problems like that of the fiasco today.

Pagpapaubaya

We finally decided to meet yesterday at one of the malls up north so we could get to know each other better. Unfortunately, due to the emergency of your lola, you weren't able to arrive at our meeting place.

I know I'm supposed to understand, but why do I feel disappointed? Maybe it's fate's way of saying STOP?

Mas nakatatanda ako, so dapat ako talaga ang magpaubaya at bigyan ka ng benefit of the doubt. Pero, maraming instances where ang mga sagot mo ay dubious, like the answers regarding your school. Ang kaso, ibang usapan na ito, health na ito ng iyong kapamilya, so dapat kong tanggapin that you have other priorities.

Hahayaan ko na lang ang pagkakataong ito, dahil in truth I can't do anything else. But in truth, I don't want to experience this again with anyone else.

me: ahm, kng may prob sa lola m e d cya na muna asikasuhn m may nxt tym pa naman

me: hey uwi n muna ako, may pasok p kase tom soree

[ Pasensya na sa mambabasa, I had to let this out. :( ]

War Within

Maybe it's my constant need to keep myself occupied and out of my "stupor" that prompted me to contact him, that is, reply to his messages. I said to myself a few months ago that I am going to distance myself to avoid getting hurt again. And yet last night, there has been much effort not to be glad to have seen and talked to him. And I guess he was happy also, because he blushed. Or was it just me?

Parang mali. Tama ba ang ginagawa ko? Should I convince myself that the only reason why I talked to him was that I needed something from him? Have I gone cold? Should I deny the fact that I miss him most?

Pagbuhos ng Luha sa Gabi ng Huwebes Santo

Isinulat ko ang mga text messages sa aking pinakatatagu-tagong journal. Pagkatapos ay binuklat ko ang mga pahina ng isinulat ko patungkol sa iyo, at binasa iyon magmula sa una tayong nagkakilala.

Naantig, napukaw, naawa ako sa aking sarili habang binabasa ko ang mga nakasulat sa mga sagradong pahinang iyon. Pagdako sa huli, binasa ko muli ang mga text messages mo. Naisip ko, na marahil iyon na ang mga huli na matatanggap ko mula sa iyo.

Sa 'di ko mawaring kadahilanan, biglang na lang bumuhos ang mga luhang kinimkim nitong mga nagdaang araw.

Paalam, Ate Kuki

Kuki is one of my sister #4's househelps. She's the one who prepares our meals.

She's been suffering from asthma, but she believed that it was caused by voodoo done against her by their neighbor in the province. She didn't had her illness checked by the doctor because she was afraid of needles.

I found out that her lungs collapsed, and the she was DOA at the hospital.

The morning of the day she passed away, she even asked me to buy her medicines. That was the last time that I'd saw her alive. She sent me a text message also at 3 PM reminding me of her medication.

She passed away around 5 PM on February 10, 2007.

It's sad to know that God takes the good people away that easily.

I thank her for becoming part of our lives.

Paalam, Ate Kuki.

Reflection

Her death made me concerned of my own health. I really have to watch out from this point on.