Another Confession

I have a confession to make: I'm so into "Gotta Go My Own Way" from High School Musical 2, not solely because ZAC EFRON is hot, but because the music has a nice melody and fantastic lyrics.

Gabriella
I gotta say what's in my mind
Something about us
doesn't seem right these days
life keeps getting in the way
Whenever we try, somehow the plan
is always rearranged
It's so hard to say
But I've gotta do what's best for me
You'll be ok..
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away
Don't wanna leave it all behind
But I get my hopes up
and I watch them fall everytime
Another colour turns to grey
and it's just too hard to watch it all
slowly fade away
I'm leaving today 'cause I've
gotta do what's best for me
you'll be ok..
I've got to move on and be who I am
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand
We might find our place in this
world someday
But at least for now
I gotta go my own away

Troy
What about us?
What about everything we've been through?

Gabriella
What about trust?

Troy
you know I never wanted to hurt you

Gabriella
and what about me?

Troy
What am I supposed to do?

Gabriella
I gotta leave but I'll miss you

Troy
I'll miss you

Gabriella
so
I've got to move on and be who I am

Troy
Why do you have to go?

Gabriella
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Troy:
I'm trying to understand

Gabriella
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now

Troy
I want you to stay

Gabriella
I wanna go my own way
I've got to move on and be who I am

Troy
What about us?

Gabriella
I just don't belong here
I hope you understand

Troy
I'm trying to understand

Gabriella
We might find our place in this
world someday
but at least for now
I gotta go my own away
I gotta go my own away
I gotta go my own away

See. I've also embedded the Video from youtube.com. It's like OMG whenever I hear the music. So nostalgic. Enjoy!

War Within

Maybe it's my constant need to keep myself occupied and out of my "stupor" that prompted me to contact him, that is, reply to his messages. I said to myself a few months ago that I am going to distance myself to avoid getting hurt again. And yet last night, there has been much effort not to be glad to have seen and talked to him. And I guess he was happy also, because he blushed. Or was it just me?

Parang mali. Tama ba ang ginagawa ko? Should I convince myself that the only reason why I talked to him was that I needed something from him? Have I gone cold? Should I deny the fact that I miss him most?

"Hi, Kuya"

"Hi, kuya."

Lunes. Napalingon ako sa aking likuran upang makita ang nangahas na tumawag sa akin na kuya, at nagulat ako ng IKAW ang tumambad sa aking paningin. Kung ako lang ay nagblu-blush, malamang pulang pula na ako n'on. My heart literally skipped a beat.

Akala ko hindi na kita makikita. It's been seven months since I last saw you. And I'm glad you're looking well, better than before.

I wanted to stand up and talk to you, to ask how you have been. But this is not the place and time. One day, I will. I missed you. :)

Pag-Ibig (o Libog) Nga Naman

I think I wrote about discovering that the Sales Manager is gay. Well, last Tuesday, I had solid proof as to who the object of his affection is.

It turns out that the guy has had a history of NEGLECT OF DUTY violations. The first incident I read about was that they apparently lost the entire monetray contents of the cash register when he was still assigned to one of the bigger outlets. Violations of that sort means dismissal. I just wondered why the guy's name was cleared of the incident, knowing that they were responsible for the store.

The second again involved money. It was in the same outlet. They lost part of the sales. He didn't acknowledge the mistake and made excuses. Anyway, the Sales Manager transferred him to another outlet instead.

The last incident involved a refilling of a fire extinguisher. The Sales Manager literally defended the guy by saying that he was tricked by the fire extinguisher sales guy. There was a memo, stating that the penalty for this NEGLECT OF DUTY is dismissal, however, he recommended that the guy be suspended for two days only. Ang tanga-tanga naman nung guy, hindi muna nag-isip na tumawag dito sa opisina para tanungin kung may naka-schedule na ganun.

Now, if this is not a means to protect his love interest, then I don't know what it is.

Why?

It was a good thing that I had to run an errand for my boss last Monday: I was able to leave the office early and arrive at the Festival Mall an hour after.
Yes, I met him again. So much for being cold-hearted and every little shit I said.
On the way to Alabang, there was a preacher on the bus that I was on. He was black. I think God was trying to speak to me. I listened, though. So unlike me.
And so, the two of us met infront of NBS. He was wearing his uniform - white top, black pants. I was wearing a black top and cream pants. Amusing.
We transferred to the Alabang Town Center (wow, he agreed) because I had to buy some photo paper. Then we walked around for a bit, and then bought the tickets for CLOSER. But we were late, so we decided to take the next schedule. We ate at KFC first, where we just talked. He was in Laguna from April 7 to 10. Some sort of conference/general assembly. And he and his friends went to EK last Saturday.
He wanted me to call/text him that Saturday evening, since he texted me saying that the event was extended. I didn't. I called him up Sunday because he texted me. I got his message just as Ro and I were out of the movie house (we watched CLOSER). I made excuses as to why I wasn't able to contact him. But I didn't tell him that I wanted to end it all. WHY?
Last Sunday night, he asked me, "Bakit may anghang yata ang mga texts mo?" This question was pertaining to my messages to him. The first one was '[His name], are you trying to push me away?'. Then the follow up to that was, 'I guess your silence means yes. Tatanggapin ko naman if you want me out.' I told him that I felt as if he wanted me out. He said that I musn't pre-empt what he's thinking, and that he will tell if he wants me out, but he doesn't want to do that. I said okay. We talked mostly about what happened during our weekends, and then when it was time to sleep, he said that we meet Monday afternoon. I agreed.
Once inside the movie house, we sat at the floor behind the seats because we got in during the last few mintues of the movie. Were talking and talking, and I am sure that a lot of poeple heard what we were discussing. We decided to sit ourselves instead, beacuse the floor was kind of uncomfortable. Anyway, the seats were really nice, and I wanted to sleep right then and there. When the movie was over, we sat at the back because there was a part where only two chairs were together. So we still talked until the movie started.
There came a point in the film (near Alice's and Larry's meeting) that I asked him if he was okay. He told me that I should stop asking him that because he was. He sounded irritated, though. So I shut my mouth. At that point I needed to go to the restroom. And so I stood and started to move, but then he caught my arm and asked where I was going. I think he thought that I was leaving him. I washed my face also, because I was getting sleepy. When I got back, he asked if I cried. I said no.
When the movie was finished, we went to Metropolis because he had to swap his phone. There he was singing a song. He asked me to sing a song for him. The Reason by Hoobastank. He asked for a copy of the lyrics. I said I'll give it to him the next time we meet.
Anyway, he walked with me to the bus terminal. Thank goodness there were buses there. My fears of not getting home were completely unfounded. I looked back at him, smiled, and waved goodbye. Twice. Once on the bus, I texted him. His reply was that he looked forward to our next meeting.
Honestly, ako rin. I really don't know how or why, but I was happy when I was with him. And I hate myself for loving him still. Punyeta.