He's Damn Cute

He's so damn cute. I wonder who he is. Basketball player from Letran.

The Biatch Is Here

I'm here at the office, and so is the biatch. She's there at her cubicle. She's nagdadabog na naman. In fairness, ang chaka niya.

What I'm Looking for In a Friend

I remember my discussion with monja! a few weeks back regarding friendship. I forgot to post it here before so I'm doing it now. Basically, these are the qualities that I am looking for in a person before we can be friends or before we can have a relationship.

1. Discerning. One who shows good judgement (:the ability to make considered decisions or form sensible opinions). For the lack of a better term, I am going to use this word. For me, it's more like someone who can very well anticipate things. This is important to avoid conflicts or issues between us. It's like being a kindred soul. (Spirit)

2. Respectful of Others. When one respects a person, it shows how humane one is. Feet are on the ground. People are not taken for granted. Mindful of others, of their needs, of their thoughts, and of their actions. Superiority has its time and place, but not when you're around friends.

3. Intelligent/Witty/Clever and Mature. Anything that is associated with these words. Maturity comes along with it. I need someone who I can relate to. I admit I don't get bored easily, and if I am, then I could have exhausted all my intellectual and emotional outlet. So I need someone to freshen me up. There is so much to learn in this world! Share some to me. (Mind)

4. Compassionate. Do not confuse with pity or even merciful. A priest once distinguished one from the other, but I forget the exact difference. The thing is, it's better to be compassionate than pitying (is there such a word?), because compassion makes you understand and care. (Heart)

It's hard to find one like this, I know. To be honest, I may be lacking of these things I enumerated, too. Heck, no one is this perfect. Well, I'd probably go with a three out of all four. So if you are what I am looking for: WHAT KEPT YOU!?

About Friendster

I feel as if Friendster is getting more cluttered everyday. I wish they would do something to fix the layout. The older versions were okay. Out of 5, I give Friendster a 3.5.

No Rice

I didn't eat rice yesterday, it was a surprise I didn't get hungry.

The Sunset, My Lover

The sunset fascinates me.

I remember way back in highschool, my friends and I usually stay long after dismissal. To us, well, to me, staying at school is a social thing. The senior year placed us on the fifth floor, and so, that is where we stay.

Then comes the sunset. Although it would strain my vision, I would stare at the massive fiery ball as it slides down. Sometimes its deep red, but most of the time it is blinding white. It was the only time that I could stare at the sun on a tolerable level.

Why my lover? Because everytime I watch it slide down, I always feel its calming effect. I would feel its warm carress, and I bask in its overwhelming presence.

Just like how a lover should be: a pillar of strength, a source of hope, and an assuring presence.

Si seulement la vie serait plus gentille à moi, peut-être alors je trouverais mon soleil.

Dreamless

I was able to sleep without interruptions last night. Though dreamless, however, it was just shallow. What is wrong again?

Is She Hitting On Me?

I'm here at the office. Just a few minutes ago, a female supervisor said: "[My name], payakap nga."

I replied "Ganon?!"

Freaky.

She's the same person who asked me to teach her computer, and when I asked which applications, she replied "Lahat." with matching smoky eyes.

Damn. I think some guys would gladly trade places with me right now.

Hmm. But if it were a guy who looked like the one I saw on a Cagayan de Oro video sex scandal last night, why not? Ü

But, alas, malas.

They Might Be Wondering

Most of the people here at the office - or at least those who know my situation - might be wondering why I am talking to the guy who printed my e-mails. Well, there are two main reasons:

1. I work in tandem with him, so I can't just ignore him like that, and

2. they all know that the real bad person here at the office is non other than the secretary, who, by the way, is absent today.

I know he didn't act alone. My intuition says that she was the instigator.

So case closed.

Music

I'm not a music fanatic, but I edited some mp3s today. It took up my entire morning. It was fun.

I think Handl's Hallelujah! Chorus is the best ever piece of orchestra.

(no subject)

Tinatamad ako ngayong araw na ito.

Breached

Eight years the gate stood. Eight years no one had breached the silence.

Until the dawn of this week.

The pain, the agony, the wanderlust.

Breached.

Darn Headache

I was planning not to work today, but then I said that this headache is tolerable. Besides, I don't want any pending job to greet me the following day. I slept early last night and woke up okay today.

Maybe this is a hangover from my tryst last Sunday. :)

Actually ...

I'm so having a Harry Potter-against-a-dementor moment.

Invasion of Privacy Part 2

So when my officemate arrived, I confronted him about it. All he did was to smile probably because they were caught off-guard. Of course he has an accomplice. I can only think of one person who has this big grudge on me: MV, the forty-something bitch of a secretary.

This act just confirmed the real her.

Okay, I admit that I chat with my friends during office hours. But it's as if I am the only one who does that here. Before my advent at the office, their computers were already installed with Yahoo! Messenger. Alangan namang tinitignan nila kung paano na-program yun, eh hindi naman sila programmer?

I really don't know why she acts that way. I avoid her as much as possible. When I got the job that I have right now, her work has been reduced because part of the research and also the checking of supplier e-mails have now become part of my responsibilty. And she isn't even grateful for that.

I have talked with several people here at the office. They say she didn't have any friends here ever since because of her attitutde. I'm glad though, that I have the understanding of my superiors. Their advice: ignore her.

I just can't believe that she would stoop down to that level. Her actions speaks of someone marked with arrogance, envy, and insecurities. Sometimes I wonder how I bring out the worst out of people.

If you're asking why I don't give her the benefit of the doubt, my answer is: why should I? As I've said, since the first day that I stepped into this office, I can feel her evilness.

I am proud of myself for handling this so far.

The bad news is it has reached the ear of some high authorities here. What I am worried about is the day when it reaches the ear of my boss.

Invasion of Privacy

This morning, I found on my officemate's table a printout of e-mails I sent and received from two of my ex-colleagues. Right now I am furious. Why did he have to do that? I feel as if this person and the bitchy secretary are ganging up on me. Are they threatened? What is their problem?

Suddenly I'm Happy

I actually wasn't looking forward to working today, but I found myself sitting in front of my computer early here in the office as usual. I finished my pending research from yesterday. I also got an early YM message from J, which surprised me. I was expecting another boring day. From one YM identity, I switched to another, and found Billydee online. He's a friend from way back in college, actually. A very good friend. I sent him a message.

We chatted, of course, reminiscing the good old days. Here is a man whose maturity and wisdom are inherent, contagious, and efficacious. (grandiose ba?)

The world suddenly seemed brighter.

I wish he were in the country, though, because I forgot to thank him for making my day right.

Breathing - Lifehouse

I'm finding my way back to sanity, again

Though I don't really know what I am gonna do when I get there

Take a breath and hold on tight

Spin around one more time

And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't want to speak tonight

That's alright, alright with me

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit

Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be

I am looking past the shadows

Of my mind into the truth and I'm trying to identify

The voices in my head

God, which one's you?

Let me feel one more time

What it feels like to feel

And break these calluses off me

One more time

'Cause I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't want to speak tonight

That's alright, alright with me

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit

Outside your door and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you

Bet you're tired of me waiting

For the scraps to fall

Off your table to the ground

I just want o be here now

In Addition

EnKiL` proved to be a fluke¹. I should have known better.

Looking Back

I'm not sure what rules of the universe apply to me, but what I am sure of is that my choices are not what I usually get. Some are bad, but looking back, others turned out to be good.

First would be about my workplace. I said before that I didn't want to work here in Makati. But look where I am at now. Yun nga lang, nasa dulo ako ng Ayala, which is good because food, health, leisure, banking, and transportation institutions are very accessible.

Second, I said also before that I didn't want to work in call center. As expected though, I worked for one there in Pasig. Though I didn't like the job, I persevered none the less, and resigned after seven months on the Top 10 list, with handling time of slightly over 4 minutes. That is something I am proud of. The workplace is also accessible.

Last, having accepted the fact that I wouldn't fine someone within the 20-24 age bracket, I looked up for 25-30 years old people. Unfortunately, they're either taken, married, or looking for someone younger than 25. What's worse is that I kept on "meeting" people younger than me. I laugh at myself. They're all "immature" (sorry for the lack of term), with probably a few exceptions like Gerumatori.

I welcomed 2005 with much hesitation. When I was in Vigan, there was this obdurate feeling of dread. And it's fucking haunting me until now. Well, we're on the last quarter of the year. If what someone told me is correct, things would fairly be looking better. I do hope so.

I'm Bored

I don't like my task for today. Yes, I do love to research, but not about Philippine history. It's just too boring for me. Someone text me now! :(

It's Confirmed

I'm a text addict. I can't sleep without having a conversation with someone anonymous, whatever the outcome of he conversation is. Damn. What do I do?

EnKiL`

I met him in one of those infamous channels in mIRC. (Yes, I still chat. So what, you biatch?)

What surprised me is that we have alot of things in common, more than anyone I've ever talked with.

Let's see what happens.

Tell Me What To Do With People Like These ...

1. A relative of mine now has a big problem with his child with his mistress. The child is in the hospital because of low blood count. Let me emphasize that this is his child with another woman.

You know what, instead of pitying him, there is nothing more for him now but contempt from me. First, he shouldn't have consorted with the mother of the child. Second, he should have been ready for the consequences of his kalibugan. Third, he should have had a job first bago siya nagkalat ng kanyang kalibugan. Last, he's approached me because he wanted me to help him raise money by prostituting him. Putangina mo, lubayan mo ako dahil hindi ko na kargo yang resulta ng kalibugan mo, hayup ka. Ang problema sa iyo, you're too lax, akala mo laging may taong susuporta sa iyo. Eh ngayong wala ka ng makukuha sa nanay mo, saan ka pupulutin? Thank goodness I wasn't able to find you someone. If you plan to damn your sould to hell, huwag mo akong idamay dahil may rason ako para mabuhay.

2. JD has not been texting me for the past three days because I found out today that he's been sick. The thing is he only texts me because he needs to see me, or he just wants to feed his ego and vanity.

Well, dude, pasensiyahan tayo. Hindi na ako ang taong naghahabol sa iyo katulad noon. Don't expect any messages from me because there's nothing for me in you anymore. It's been enough that I have been blind for you before. Yes, feeling mo gwapo ka, feeling mo lahat ng tao nahuhumaling sa iyo. Well, sige, sa kanila ka na lang.

3. The situation for this third entry would definitely breach the ire (?) and concern of a friend who is reading this, because the three of us are closely connected. Okay, this friend of mine, coded M, scheduled a movie for the three of us this Saturday, but unfortunately she had to back out because she's sick. So, the third friend, let's name him H, decided to watch with me. Well, I would still watch it even if they didn't come. But then H committed, and I asked him to check the schedule. I thought everything was set, but last night he sent a message that he wouldn't be able to come. I was already asleep then, so I just said to myself Okay. Pero sa totoo lang, this has been the nth time that this happened.

I'm not going to be a hypocrite. I should've asked why he won't able to come, yet I did not because I did not want to push the issue. Ayoko na. It's pointless, useless, futile, and God, I'm used to it. When he sent a message again today saying that he was sorry, I just said that he doesn't need to apologize because I'm used to it. And when he said that he really wanted to watch the movie, I just replied back that I didn't want to talk about it anymore.

And this is the same person who keeps on reminding me that there are things I say about me that are exclusive for M only.

The nerve.

Discourse

For me kasi, don't apologize if you're going to do it again. Just tell me No, I don't like that, or, No, I can't go, or better yet, No, i don't like you. Guys, it saves way too much time, energy, and effort, mostly on my part.

Why does this make me feel that I need to explain myself and my actions. I don't do that to them. Hindi ko naman ipinagpipilitan ang sarili ko sa mga situations that does not affect me directly. Why can't they understand the words: It's done, I DON'T WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT ANYMORE. I don't necessarily accept the explanation, but it's already done.

Ano pa ba ang gusto ng mga tao na gawin ko? Sometimes I honestly feel stupid.

Please, spare me. You know, thinking about it, I am glad that for a time I haven't gone out with anyone, not even my friends. It's a welcome respite, thinking only of myself. Problems are excess baggages tossed out to the ocean, to drift away.

I'm just being practical: what good do I get from dealing with these excesses? Sana maintindihan naman ako ng mga tao.

Before I am misunderstood again, what I want to happen is for people to take me seriously when it comes to matters that are important to me. I honestly think that by their actions, these people don't really know who I am. Tao rin ako, nasasaktan. Huwag ninyo naman sana akong gaguhin.

Error On Start Up

Calling all techno-geeks, this is a Windows XP error message when I start my computer. FYI, kernels32.exe is part of a downloader Trojan. I have manually deleted the file after my AVG and Zone Alarm didn't detect it. I have also erased it from the msconfig registry, and had even downloaded a software just to erase it from the list. So, how come it is still looking for it?

Virus, Virus, Virus

I've spent almost all morning trying to figure out how to remove the Trojans and viruses that this machine has. It's difficult. I feel so helpless. But of course when my AV and Firewall softwares detect and remove it, I feel accomplished. It's like popping zit. Ha ha ha.

Damn Windows XP.

When I Turned My Computer On

There was a VIRUS that greeted me. Kainis. I have Zone Alarm, AVG, and Symantec System Works installed, but they weren't able to detect the thing. Damn computers.

Yahoo! Error Message

I think they're trying to be cute.

It's A Sunday, But I'm At Work

Hello. I'm here at the office on a Sunday. Wasn't able to sleep early last night. I don't want to stay idle the whole day.