Thursday, April 14, 2005

Why?

It was a good thing that I had to run an errand for my boss last Monday: I was able to leave the office early and arrive at the Festival Mall an hour after.
Yes, I met him again. So much for being cold-hearted and every little shit I said.
On the way to Alabang, there was a preacher on the bus that I was on. He was black. I think God was trying to speak to me. I listened, though. So unlike me.
And so, the two of us met infront of NBS. He was wearing his uniform - white top, black pants. I was wearing a black top and cream pants. Amusing.
We transferred to the Alabang Town Center (wow, he agreed) because I had to buy some photo paper. Then we walked around for a bit, and then bought the tickets for CLOSER. But we were late, so we decided to take the next schedule. We ate at KFC first, where we just talked. He was in Laguna from April 7 to 10. Some sort of conference/general assembly. And he and his friends went to EK last Saturday.
He wanted me to call/text him that Saturday evening, since he texted me saying that the event was extended. I didn't. I called him up Sunday because he texted me. I got his message just as Ro and I were out of the movie house (we watched CLOSER). I made excuses as to why I wasn't able to contact him. But I didn't tell him that I wanted to end it all. WHY?
Last Sunday night, he asked me, "Bakit may anghang yata ang mga texts mo?" This question was pertaining to my messages to him. The first one was '[His name], are you trying to push me away?'. Then the follow up to that was, 'I guess your silence means yes. Tatanggapin ko naman if you want me out.' I told him that I felt as if he wanted me out. He said that I musn't pre-empt what he's thinking, and that he will tell if he wants me out, but he doesn't want to do that. I said okay. We talked mostly about what happened during our weekends, and then when it was time to sleep, he said that we meet Monday afternoon. I agreed.
Once inside the movie house, we sat at the floor behind the seats because we got in during the last few mintues of the movie. Were talking and talking, and I am sure that a lot of poeple heard what we were discussing. We decided to sit ourselves instead, beacuse the floor was kind of uncomfortable. Anyway, the seats were really nice, and I wanted to sleep right then and there. When the movie was over, we sat at the back because there was a part where only two chairs were together. So we still talked until the movie started.
There came a point in the film (near Alice's and Larry's meeting) that I asked him if he was okay. He told me that I should stop asking him that because he was. He sounded irritated, though. So I shut my mouth. At that point I needed to go to the restroom. And so I stood and started to move, but then he caught my arm and asked where I was going. I think he thought that I was leaving him. I washed my face also, because I was getting sleepy. When I got back, he asked if I cried. I said no.
When the movie was finished, we went to Metropolis because he had to swap his phone. There he was singing a song. He asked me to sing a song for him. The Reason by Hoobastank. He asked for a copy of the lyrics. I said I'll give it to him the next time we meet.
Anyway, he walked with me to the bus terminal. Thank goodness there were buses there. My fears of not getting home were completely unfounded. I looked back at him, smiled, and waved goodbye. Twice. Once on the bus, I texted him. His reply was that he looked forward to our next meeting.
Honestly, ako rin. I really don't know how or why, but I was happy when I was with him. And I hate myself for loving him still. Punyeta.

1 comment:

ennui said...

Sometimes we are just bound by our emotions like a leash. We would salivate like dobermanns at the scent of flesh. But I always believe that if something is real, it will remain constant despite the weathering of time.