Start: 8:10 AM
I'm not bitter, I'm just stating a fact.
Sa dinami-dami ng kausap at ka-text ko, ni isa ay wala man lang natira ngayon. Bakit? Because all of them just want sex, which is okay. The primary concern with most guys I talked with is that they're boring, or I just couldn't relate with them. Ang isa pang kinaiinis ko sa kanila ay puro mga taga-callcenter na nagagalit pag di ako nakakapag-reply sa mga messages nila. Jusko, sumasakit lang ulo ko. And I always reply this pag lumilinya na ng ganun: Kung magte-text ka lang ng ganyan, pwede wag ka na lang magtext? Nasisira araw ko sa yo. Works all the time. Ü
Anyway, about my friends. I'd like to specifically point out three of them of which I am quite envious of: Ennui, Joms, and F. Ennui has his crumpet, Joms has his Phanks, and F, well with whoever he is with for the time being. My point being, at least they have someone to talk to and just be themselves. Hindi naman nagkakalayo ang mga ages namin, but they have time to enjoy life. While I am here, at the office, writing this entry and listening to club and disco music blaring from my superior's desk speakers. And I admit they earn more than I. Kaya nga Ennui is able to separate himself from his family. F has a lot of rakets, so karir talaga. And Joms, well, I believe he's just enjoying his job - I think kahit yata hindi magtrabaho yan okay lang, they have their family business naman. But the thing is, they have their own jobs along side with their social life.
At isa pa, yan tatlong yan, magaganda lahat yan so they could get any guy they could shoud they wish to. Lalo na si Ennui. His communication course has equipped him with the right knowledge to map out the thoughts and gestures of people he talks with. Combined with his social experiences, I think he is a guy to reckon with. Si F? It's his obvious charm on both sexes, and his determination to always get what he wants. As for Joms, it's a perfect combination of his angas and his brain that interests people, plus the discreet factor and tibay ng loob.
All things I don't possess: I certainly got nothing of that sort.
Last Friday, a friend, to be known hereafter as Card Lady, invited me to dinner with them (her, F, and Ennui) over at Megamall. I called F and confirmed that I was going, and I agreed to meet him at Rockwell para sabay na kami magpunta. But past thirty minutes of waiting, there was no taxi to take me to Rockwell, so I decided to go directly home instead. I texted the three and said that I'd make it up to them soon. At this point, I hope they aren't mad or something, it's just that I was too tired na rin. Sana they'd understand. It's been some time since I last saw them, though.
Pero hanggang doon na lang ba ako? Honestly, gusto ko na ring bumukod, but it's very hard to find a decent space nowadays. Too expensive. I'd probably have to find someone who's willing to share the place with me but who won't demand for a relationship. Now that's going to be awkward.
Pero ayun, as the title of this entry says, I feel like I've been left behind by people I dear most. But I don't blame them, in fact I'm happy that they found or are finding their own happiness. I just feel as if my effort to reach happiness is hindered by my idealism that it can be found accompanied with little things. Again, I'm not saying that my friends are too grandiose or that they're superficial. What I'm saying is that for me, and by my ideas and thoughts, happiness is minimalist.
At saka, iba talaga trip ko. I probably am the exact opposite of the three. Anti-social, charmless, and other nega superlatives attached to a perfect example of an isolationist. Idaan ko na lang sa pagtatago. Para masaya.
I'd like to share a dilemma. Right now I'm working as an Admin Assistant for the Personnel Department, and will remain until Mrs. G. D. is well enough to return to work (she had just delivered a baby boy). I had my first interviewee just yesterday sa tinagal-tagal na rin naman ng pag-stay ko sa position na yon (I'm still working for the Office of the President, among other things). His name is Eric. Anyway, for the interview, he sat across me in the conference room, and it was the first time that I was able to look at him close up.
Puta, ang gwapo pala niya. And I was holding in front of him the papers containing all the details of his life. Well, I got to talk to him. It turns out that he's a boxer trainee - the first one that I've ever got to know, which marked him for me as someone interesting. More than anything, I want to befriend him and want to help him get a job.
I am aware of the delicate situation. A wrong move on my part and he could slap me with a lawsuit and a big fine, and I could probably end up in jail with all those yucky detainees.
That's why I love this job. I get to meet a lot of cute applicants. He he he. Pathetic me.
On April 29, it's the company outing for the Sales Department. I've been invited to emcee, together with my current immediate boss, and also as a judge for one or two contests. It's kind of exciting, at the same time hesitant because I don't know a lot of people from Sales. Also on the 22nd, it's for the other remaining departments and for the Warehouse. Wish me luck.
You know what's akward nowadays? It's being called Sir. My gosh, kasing age ko lang ang mga tauhan namin (with the exception of the few old-timers). And so far I haven't heard any complaints, so I think I am doing a good job as a substitute.
Haaay. Now I feel better, at least nailabas ko na ang aking saloobin. Mapag-iwanan man, at least naiiwan na lumalaban.
Before I leave, nasabi ko na ba sa inyo that my boss, the Personnel Manager, was described as UNORGANIZED by the company's AVP-Finance Manager? Ah, nakakakita ako ng lamat. Ü
End: 10:10 AM
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