I admit that I am an emotional sado-masochist. I enjoy it when I'm sad. I appreciate my self-worth, I think good of other, I wish them all the love and happiness that I could never possibly attain. I do not why I am like this. Thoughts of suffering and sadness lash at me, it's a form of emotional self-flagellation. I bask in the unnatural high it brings. This is the thing in me that I could not understand. I enjoy the thought of my own sacrifices - whether in the past, the present, or in the future - bringing happiness unto others. I'm like saying: ako na lang, huwag na sila.
I would be like Atlas - I will carry all the misery of the people I care for the most, and endure it until the end of my days. And the greatest joy in it would be seeing the winsome smile in their faces, free of trouble and of pain. What a better place to live in, then. And probably when I can't bear it any longer shall I know my self-worth. In all these, I only ask humility, patience, and solicitude.
Love. Love until it hurts. Love until it hurts more. Love until it hurts some more. Love until it hurts no more.
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1 comment:
*sigh* 25 is such a special age.
Maybe you just have so much to give, which isn't a bad thing, it's just that you should never compromise your self-worth for the sake of another.
Leos are known to be the givers in a relationship Ü
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