Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Ashes

This hurts.

I probably am the saddest person in the planet as of the moment. I firmly believe that today is the summation or culmination of the things I have done since the beginning of this year, in fact, ever since.

The past few months proved to be what I wanted to become: inspired, motivated, and generally feeling good about almost everything. Well, I did, sort of. Sadly, fate had a different story for me.

It began probably last year, when chapters of the book of my life finally closed. I think in the past decade or so, there are few left, with far fewer openings. I know you, my reader, if I have one, would be wondering what I am talking about. Well, let's just say that I had hopes and aspirations, those "what ifs?", that I wanted answered. And answered they were.

Just like today.

The other day, as I told Mugen, I had a dream of ash falling from the sky. It wasn't really a nightmarish thing, actually the slow falling of the ash resembled snow, lethal snow. Bothered, I looked up the meaning of ash on an online dream dictionary, and here is what I got:

To see ashes in your dream, signifies bitter changes and disruptions. Ashes may represent a failed relationship or a ruinous business enterprise. You may be feeling that the good times are over and nothing of value is left in your life. Alternatively, you may be dwelling too much on the past. You need to learn to let go.

Source: www.dreammoods.com/dreamdictionary

Exactly what I'm kind of feeling right now. I guess ganoon talaga. No matter how I try to achieve that happiness, I fail.

I feel sorry for myself. I honestly try to do good, but whenever I do, everything's gone in a blink of an eye. I don't know what's wrong. Well, at least the positive thing about this is that I now know where to place myself in the scheme of things.

And yes, I really should let go more now.

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